“Fake it Till You Make it: The Importance of Confidence in College”
Who’s really going to know?
by Casey Medert
Insecurity and self-consciousness drain a person. Before college, I decided to try something new since I initially struggled with making connections in high school. I was never confident in my ability to socialize. I ruminated over if I was truly making meaningful connections. So, I fought to ensure I wouldn’t experience that same exhaustion and loneliness as a college freshman.
I learned that in college, everyone is too focused on themselves to worry about what other people are doing. By extension, this means that people are too preoccupied to notice if your confidence is fake.
While I didn’t change myself into someone I wasn’t, I embodied the traits that I envisioned my ideal self to have: listening well, being the first to say “hello,” asserting opinions while considering others, etc. Dressing how I wanted was a good first step because it made me feel good about myself. True confidence cannot be achieved overnight, but it’s possible to identify the traits “confident-you” have and embody those.
“Faking it” just means going in without a plan, and accepting the discomfort that comes with it. The intention is not to deceive, but to step out of yourself. Getting out of your own head in novel situations is daunting, but it takes the pressure off when meeting new people. During Welcome Week, I stayed true to myself while acting like the self that I would want to befriend. This helped me meet some of my closest friends on campus.
We all talk about the idea of confidence and how crucial it is in most aspects of life. The way you carry yourself can open up a lot of doors for you. Confidence (not arrogance) is attractive and draws people in. Appearing less nervous or awkward in uncomfortable situations can make others feel at ease around you, even if you don’t know what you’re doing. Additionally, this feeling of ease that you have the opportunity to create fosters connection and relationship growth.
When this fear of rejection arises, it’s beneficial to ask, “What would the confident version of ourselves do?” By embodying confidence (whether real or fake), and viewing yourself as capable of making these connections, the right people will come to you.
And, with time, the confidence may not have to be faked at all.
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